I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
