guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
