i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
