dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
