Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
