Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
