is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
