he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My dick has a subreddit
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
