Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
