he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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