Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
