Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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