Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
