This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
