I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
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