our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
