i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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