but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
