I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
