You can't special order awesome
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
