So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just want to make out with him forever
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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