my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
