omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
