I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
