You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
