I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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