Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
