So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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