Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
