The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
