I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
