wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
