I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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