Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
