I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
