I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
