I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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