we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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