All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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