do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
