It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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