There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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