I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
