Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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