Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
