Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
