Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
