That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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