Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
