did you get engaged???
I hate all girls vehemently.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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